


Total Bullshit

by OfFansAndFlames



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, drunk sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:58:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfFansAndFlames/pseuds/OfFansAndFlames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When life is total bullshit, there's always Mario Kart.</p><p>COMPLETE.</p><p>Drabble in response to the prompt: Mario Kart</p>
            </blockquote>





	Total Bullshit

“We could burn ‘em,” Naruto stated, narrowing his eyes at the tall stack of N64 cartridges.

Naruto sat cross-legged in front of Sasuke’s dorm television set, his chin leaning on his cupped hand. Sasuke took a sip from his Diet Coke can, using his pants to dry the frigid condensation on his hand.

“What would that solve?” Sasuke asked, tilting his head.

Naruto tilted his head, staring at the stack of games.

“Hey, man, I like me an N64 video game as much as your next person, but…”

“The Fault In Our Stars was a horrible movie. You’re thinking of that scene where the blind kid fucks up Augustus’ room with a trophy, aren’t you?”

“Eh?” Naruto inquired, confused now. “How did you know that?”

“Because we saw the movie just last week, dipshit.”

Naruto huffed, crossing his arms and looking away.

“I was just trying to be helpful.”

The sound of Sasuke’s dorm room fan punctuated the silence.

“Burning my video games isn’t going to bring my arm back, Naruto,” Sasuke said matter-of-factly.

Naruto looked much more bothered by the statement than Sasuke did. He stared at Sasuke and felt powerless to do much of anything to cheer him up, to make what had happened to Sasuke any less shitty. Sasuke was leisurely lying on his dorm bed, playing with his phone and observing Naruto out of the corner of his eye.

“I’ll donate them,” Sasuke added with a shrug in his voice, more for Naruto’s sake than his own. “Clearly you’ve never smelled burning plastic before.”

* * *

 

The sun went down in a couple hours, typical for winter months. Naruto had tried talking Sasuke through it. Sasuke didn’t want to talk. He’d tried getting Sasuke to punch a pillow and pretend like it was the truck that hit him. Sasuke declined. To put things nicely, he was running out of options. But there was always one.

Copious amounts of hard liquor.

Together, they had consumed two Jager bombs, seven shots of vodka, and three Fireballs. The bottles were strewn haphazardly on their sides, a strong scent of booze in the room. Naruto and Sasuke both lay against each other on the couch, their bodies lazily slanted against each other.

“Holy shit…” Naruto muttered under his breath, playing with Sasuke's hand. “Hoooly shit.”

“What?”

“I’m so wasted.”

“Shock-“ Sasuke hiccuped. “Shocking.”

Other than that hiccup, Sasuke’s desert dry sarcasm would’ve been on point.

“You know this is a piece of ratchet-ass shit,” Naruto complained, his face bright red and eyes glassy. “First we’re walkin, then wooooah Mr. ‘Who-The-Hell-Taught-You-How-To-Drive-And-AVOID-RUNNING-OVER-PEDESTRIANS-ON-SIDEWALKS?’, and then you’re a stumpy.”

“Liking the narration.”

“I mean you rock that stump. You rock that stump like THE rockstar of all stumps, but it’s not fucking…”

“It sucks,” Sasuke sighed. “I can’t even button my shirts.”

“Ya know, this is some bullshit,” Naruto slurred.

“It’s total bullshit.”

“And ya know what we always did when things were total bullshit?”

“What did we do when things were total bullshit, Naruto?”

“Play Mario Kart.”

Sasuke stared at Naruto for several seconds, wondering if Naruto was just too drunk to even know what he was talking about.

“Yeah, well that’s not going to happen anymore,” Sasuke answered, pointing to what was left of his arm. Yet Naruto was undaunted.

“I said, we play Mario Kart!”

“I only have one arm, dumbass! Don’t you get it?” Sasuke reached forward and smacked Naruto upside the head. “I can’t play video games anymore!”

“Cuz you need two arms to play video games!” Naruto added.

Sasuke glared at Naruto.

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to bash your face in.”

“And we have two arms!” Naruto shouted, pointing at the two of them.

Sasuke paused. And then the horrible realization dawned upon him.

“You’re not seriously suggesting…”

“One player. C’mon man. We can do this!”

The TV was already on. The damned game system was still plugged in even. Really nothing had been changed in his room since the morning of the accident.

“Are you man enough?!”

“The question is whether I’m drunk enough.”

“C’mon, Righty!”

Naruto took initiative, turning on the game and waiting for the game to start.

“You gotta be the joystick, man,” Naruto said, shoving the controller at Sasuke, who made no move to reach for it.

Sasuke stared at the controller. Then he stared at Naruto, and then he stared at the controller. And then he stared at the empty bottle of vodka and shot glasses on the floor and figured that he had a good enough excuse for what was to happen.

“Let’s do it,” he answered, grabbing for his half of the controller.

“Hell yeah! He’s an animal!”

Naruto began to sing the Rocky theme song, much to Sasuke’s chagrin.

“It’s motherfucking one armed drunken Mario Kart. Let’s do this shit.”

Naruto mashed a few buttons as he reached for Sasuke’s hand.

“You just made us Princess Peach,” Sasuke griped.

Sasuke tried to ignore Naruto’s hollering as the game started off.

3.

2.

1.

“LIGHT SPEED!”

Their car moved from side to side of the screen. Naruto accelerated as Sasuke turned, and they spiraled off the course onto the grass.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sasuke asked.

“I’m accelerating! Duh! It’s how you DRIVE.”

“Slow down, take your finger off. I’m turning around.”

“What? I…”

Naruto jammed on the accelerator again for what seemed like no good reason. Their car was moving farther off the course.

“I can hardly even see the road anymore…”

“We have to go faster!” Naruto shouted.

Sasuke sighed. They were already last place.

“C’mon, get the car to jump!”

“What?”

“Press A!” Naruto shouted, frantically pointing his free arm at the screen.

“You can’t jump in this game!”

Their car was relocated. Last place.

“Heeey. Hey Sasuke.”

This time Naruto had forgotten to accelerate.

“Let’s do a donut.”

Sasuke smirked, leaning in closer to Naruto.

“C’mon then, put some gas on it.”

Sasuke held his toggle to the right the car screeching as it circled, soon after colliding with Luigi, who was two laps ahead of them.

“Fuck you, Luigi!” Naruto shouted, shaking his fist at the TV.

Sasuke quickly hammered a button and threw a banana, causing Luigi to careen off the road. Naruto broke into a cackle.

“In your pasta-loving, furry mustache FACE,” Naruto shouted, pointing at the TV. “EAT THE BANANA YOU PANTALOON.”

Sasuke tilted his head back, laughing for the first time that day. To be dead honest, he never thought he’d play video games again. Sometimes being wrong wasn’t such a horrible thing.


End file.
